usual observations..

I know that the UK is not particularly a warm country especially in winter, but, being caught in a train with all the windows closed + the heat blasting against my leg + being squashed against the window seat + being in a full train, does NOT help the level of my body temperature and stuffiness.

this morning, for some unknown reason, my usual train was cancelled and even the one before that. so i was on this train where passengers from 3 trains were on. it was full to the brim and i was lucky enough to find a seat (of course squashed against the window but anyways). windows closed - hey i was feeling both hot and claustophobic already as soon as i sat down. so i opened the window. the guy on the other aisle tried to catch my eye and starting shaking his head as if i had just let a loud fart go...

hey....i just opened the fucking window. everyone is breathing the damn same air...i don't want to get sick dammit..

he shook his head a couple of times whilst trying to catch my eye.

all of a sudden, the guy sitting next to me told me: "can you close the window?" (at this point, Mr Shaker was looking at me with his blue piercing eyes). I answered: "No, I can't - I have morning sickness". case closed.

and oh by the way, i did NOT have morning sickness, ie: i am NOT pregnant. just for everyone's information.

why do some people prefer breathing each other's germs etc rather than feeling a bit chilly but have some clean refreshing air? what is wrong with some people?

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i am really pissed off at the chef at work today....afternoon tea dessert was supposingly choc muffin with melted choc inside...i couldn't resist. i bought one..and guess what?

----no melted choc. just a normal choc muffin-----

i was gutted - what an anti-climax that was ----

oh well.....

i'm not much of a sentimental person, romance is not my forte.

i had vowed to myself years ago that i would never fall in love....being dependent on someone else freaks me out big time.

however, 2 years ago, i actually did fall in love (so much for my vow eh)...it didn't work out...

and i am still head over heels in love with K (my ex) which is sad. true.

i have dated guys after him, but it seems that no one can live up to K. K is K. thats what i tell the girls at work. they tell me to get out more on the dating scene, but to be honest, i can't really be bothered to go through the whole dating process again for a number of reasons:

1) i am seriously bored of the usual questions that are asked on the first few dates like, job occupation, likes and dislikes, etc. i just cant take the repetition again..it is just too much hassle emotionally...

2) non-reciprocral feelings - it is always tough if you're liked or not, how you are going to let down the person bla bla...if he's going to call,,,,or should i call? its just too time consuming...

3) having a decent relationship and then all of a sudden, POOF, it's finished...and you end up with a broken heart.

basically i think that relationships are ANTI-CLIMAXES. (is that the plural for climax?)...even though having a man around to carry my grocery bags, to drive me to the pc shop (had to walk it in the rain today), to have someone to warm me up during the night, (and of course to shag, duh), i just don't think it is worth the time and emotions to invest in a relationship which will eventually break down.

one of my girlfriends, C, meets tons of guys online. i asked her last week whilst drowning down glasses of wine amidst smoke: C, why the hell do u meet so many guys? - what exactly do you want with them? A fuck or a relationship? Well, she actually admitted that she wanted to relationship. Bully for her. She started to see this guy right, and after 2 dates he told her that he never felt like this for anyone. my reaction would be this: RUN RUN RUN. she actually was smitten by those words. we girls just dont learn. we never do. we promise ourselves not to get hurt again, not to believe any bullshit blurted out from a guy's mouth...but we still fall in that trap again...

of course C made me sick with all the texts she got that nite...from her guy...jealous? no. envious? well maybe a bit...but just envious of the thought of having someone on the other side of the line thinking about me....but not envious of hearing a guy BLA BLAing about how special i am after 2 dates....C, that is danger....

in my last blog, i told you guys about my new laptop. well, its damaged due to some pixel problems. cant believe this shit. after making TONS of phone calls (and i mean, tons) and different people telling me different things, i can finally take it to the store and get a new one...of all the laptops pc world has, i had to get the defected one.

un-fucking-believable.

hoW dare a technician tell me that if the trouble shooting via fone doesnt work, ill have to send it in for repair???? huh???? a 1-day old laptop sent in for repair already?

over my dead body...

i stood my ground, was utterly rude and bitchy and INSISTED that not only do i get a new one, but break the rules and make me go direct to the store to get a new one (as i bought it online, couldnt actually do that had to dhl it). so now hopefully tomorrow will change my pc.

again...un-fucking-believable.

ANYWAYS...my boss left a voicemail for me today at work telling me that her loo got flooded and was waiting for the plumber. why go into detail? horseface, i don't give a flying fuck...unfortunately, she didnt drown in the flood...oh well....she probably clogged her loo with her big constipated shit.

the weekend is here again, and im seriously going to chill out. ie: catch up on some good snooze. the prob is...i can never sleep late on w/e. why...and then weekdays i have to drag my tired body out of bed..it just aint fair...sob sob.

and oh..thank god scott is outta the jungle...who the fuck is that guy\/ what a bloody pussy...ur either in the jungle to blend with mother nature or dont go in!!!!!!!!! sheeeshhhhhhhhhhhhh...

my laptop has arrived. i think, until now, pcworld offers good service, but DHL is the pits. dhl's delivery hours are from 9am to 5pm right. today i logged on to track my delivery and dhl stated that my pc was in the van at 9.09am. guess what time i got my laptop? at fucking 5.30ish pm.

got it at work as having things delivered at home is useless. as soon as i saw the box i wanted to faint. how the fuck was i going to carry that box from work where i have 15mins walk to the station, take a train and then another 10mins walk home.

so the kind post supervisor at work, T, looked at me like...hmm..now what the fuck are YOU gonna do? we opened the big box to find another box, smaller this time which still wasnt heavy..he wrapped it up for me..and i walked in the streets of LONDON with this goddamn box. embarassing? me? bien sur..(hey i took the bus to the station and a taxi from the station back home to home - who the hell u think i am? the box lady or what). anyways....

the problem is yet to come...couldnt fuckin connect to internet. called my friend M, who kinda understands pcs really good for a gay guy. we were lost coz my system kept saying that my wireless connection was off. anyways i couldnt bloody find that button..and I DID NOT WANT TO READ THE MANUAL.

called another friend..D. he wasn't home...dammit.

had to read the manual...double dammit.

surprisingly enough, found what i was looking for in a couple of secs..and guess what? my w.c. button WAS indeed switched off...and i would have never found it if i hadnt read the instructions...

i kinda quit cigs this week (sunday nite consisted of turkish dinner, lots of red wine, lots of cigs and lots of filth shared with my gfs a' la sex and the city) but i had to lite one to celebrate my triumph that i am well capable of reading the manual...YEY.

patience is a virtue...

re. city boys..whoever works in the city, dont tell me, but a man in a suit..is oh so yummy...our city boys rock. i am always fuckin turned on at lunch....beautiful...havent seen McDonalds boy all week - i wonder where the hell he is. i miss him. oh BOOHOOO...anyways...will catch up with all of ya later.

ps: my flatmate LIFE IS LIFE. just ate fish fingers and man do they stink...

My laptop is fucked. Yes, totally fucked. I think I have a hard drive problem from what people are telling. Fucked, Fucked, Fucked; Bugger, Bugger, Bugger!

I need my laptop for these reasons:

1) for my MBA assignments (yeah rite);
2) to shop online (hell yeah);
3) check my personal mail (not many love letters, mind you);
4) and of course, letting off some steam by blogging (which is so cheaper than therapy).

Missed me?

Well, I am back (at an Internet cafe) for a bit. Ordered a nice new laptop yesterday which should take 5-7 days to deliver. Why so long? If they have it in store, just fucking send it. Anyways...I honestly did not feel like paying hundreds for a laptop..but shit happens and I have no friggin choice...

Saw McDonalds Boy yesterday at the station. What a cutie! However, I was too damn aggravated for footsie and stars-in-my-eyes kinda look. (aggravated about my laptop, of course!!!!).

I so felt like kicking myself the other day. If my leg was long enough I would have kicked myself in the ass so hard. Called my ex!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...well I SORTA called him. I dialled his number (private number of course, why should I reveal myself?) and as soon as I heard the click of him picking up, I lost my balls and hung up.!!!!

Ball-less, gut-less, mega-CHICKEN!!

Bugger!

I'm off...My hair appointment is in a couple of minutes...

Ciao

OK - I have to admit this. I have this mega crush on McDonalds boy. Totally into him - that kind of teenage crush where blushings, starings and day dreaming are involved..and oh yes, driving my colleagues craaaaazy about him!

Like every other morning, saw my hunk at the train station. I arrived before he did (which is rare but I couldn't give a fuck to blow dry my hair so gained a couple of extra minutes). I was sitting on a bench and along came MY MAN (I wish) and stopped in front of my bench. We got on the same carriage and there was an empty seat next to him or opposite him. The 'dscreet' person that I am, I sat on the opposite seat (I was afraid that I might transmit some smitten-vibes). All OK until now. Settled into my seat quite comfortably with my iPOD and sunnies on.

McD boy glanced several times at me today (of course he did not know that I knew ....a dark pair of sunnies makes your eye movements oh so incognito)...Ahhh....I asked my friend L. why would he look at a girl. He came up with this:

a) I might like the gal;
b) The gal is interesting to look at;
c) Or she's plain weird.

Hmmm........Weird?! I think not!!!
But I could be weird for him....wearing sunnies on a train perhaps? But it WAS sunny...I swear...

And yes, I, *name*, am smitten.

Sickening
Maddening
Embarassing

Shame on meeeeeee.........................

I do not mean to be unkind to Mr Liza Minelli but what the fuck is wrong with David? I was watchng that celebrity jungle thingy last nite (with my Haagen Dazs ice cream of course) and there is something terribly freaky about him:

1) It is known that he is a plastic-dolly fanatic. I think the heat in Australia is melting his face off. I mean, what the hell is that? And then, there's the snoring.....and the sexual jargon he uses to describe the gals...If he thinks he stands a chance of boinking ANY of them..oh Davey..you are oh sooooo wrong....However I am glad that the public voted him to get into that tank with all those creatures - hi hi hi *evil laugh*. I so wish he doesn't get voted off though - he is such an easy target to pick on!!! Don't you think?

2) My darling boss is still calling me 'honey' which is pissing the shit out of me - I can feel my blood boiling just thinking about it. She might fancy me...I'm sorry horse-face, I don't swing that way! She really knows how to get my knickers in a twist! I would like to take her out of the office and beat her up and drag her from her dry hair....mmmm......(make love not war....ok ok).

3) Saw McDonalds guy today (you'll have to read previous blogs to get the jist about McD boy. Kinda cute...He will do for now...and the good thing is that....he lives quite close to me..ha.....sat next to him twice last week. I have to try and fall asleep on him now...Brushing of arms (ticked)...next must snuggle up to him...hmmmm.....

4) A gf of mine had a blind date tonight with some guy she chats online with - she cancelled because he changed his name twice. First he told her that his name was Mark..apparently today his name is John - identity crisis. Finding a 'normal' guy online is like finding a needle in a haystack - it is oh so NOT worth the time I think...

Ok - my inspiration level is dwindling....Ciao...

PS: Commuters at Liverpool Str Station, please stop walking in my feet - it terribly ruins my pace speed...TSK..

For some weird and unknown reason I always hated Sundays. Sundays have an eerie feeling to them especially in winter. Where I originally come from (somewhere in Europe), Sunday was the day of the Lord - shops are closed, dogs stay in and people just lazy it up at home. And of course, the next day is school - in my case, present day...its work (what fun). I am a workaholic I must admit but Monday is always a Monday. Normally people at work are grumpy on Mondays, it takes a whole hell of a time to get started on your work and honestly, I can't give a fuck on a Monday. Period.

At the moment, I am in a houseshare until I move in my new house which seems like an eternity especially when you have 5 house mates who are totally wacked up:

1) Marathon Boy and Giggly Girl - GG is MB's gf. She doesn't actually live here in theory, but in practice, she's ALWAYS here. She takes a shower and leaves her remaining hair in the clog (had to tell her last week). They fuck like rabbits (where each hump lasts for 5mins and it seems that GG's way of climaxing is not moaning but giggling [hence her nickname]). How do I know that it lasts for 5mins? Well: a) I time them (what a loser) and b) his room is on top of mine so I can hear his bed squeaking.

2) Then there's 'Life is Life' who apparently works at the airport making coffee, from some unknown island in Europe near Portugal, who does not speak a word in English. The only phrase she is sure of is: Life is Life. Again, hence her nickname. And, yes, her cooking smells foul.

3) Casper - Another foreign guy who is rarely seen BUT heard. He talks to himself a lot. Works somewhere with nightshift. So whilst I am preparing for work, he comes in from work. Typical ghost. Spooky guy.

4) Then there's my Trolly Dolly who is basically my only sane friend in this dump.

5) A female trolly dolly who I haven't nicknamed yet - comes from some east europe and is weird in her own way - friendly but detached. Do not really see her that often.

So back to my Sunday blogging....I hate Sundays...They don't make sense at least for me. So tomorrow I have no choice but march into work and pretend that I give a fuck (well I do in a way I need the dough) and work my ass off.

I honestly think that Sundays are made to stay in bed...

IF YOU GET OFFENDED WITH WHAT IM GOING TO SAY, STOP READING NOW!

....with a nice beefy rugby-type of bloke near me...fucking me for England. ha!

xxx

i've become hooked to this x-factor program thingy. and of course i have my comments about it:

1) Louis Walsh - god help the man. There is something pathetic about him. From the way he talks to the way he uses his hands to comment. I mean...hello? What's the score, Walshy boy? I don't like him he's a 'vicious little man'.

2) Sharon Osbourne is another fake - she tries to depict herself as the mediator between L and S. Look at me I'm so angelic kinda look...nah...I must admit though...she looks fab.

3) Simon - he just says it as it is. I think he's sexy...WAIT..but in a disgusting kind of way.....(does that actually make sense?)

what was the score tonight? I neither like Nikita nor Ray - but keeping Elvis Presley-Frank Sinatra impersonator on tonight was EVIL of Simon - shame on you Simon (I might not give you any loving tonight - ha!). Nikita is a moaner who turned the program into a pity-me-please-so-I-can-win contest (I do sympathise with her but X factor is not the right place for that) while Ray is a little too cheerful for my taste....His face will be perfect as a punching bag...argh..

The groups...hmm...the Scottish guys are useless...Eaton Road not bad but not fantastic in my opinion..but will def. get loads of votes..

I adore Leona...I think she's an angel.

Ben isn't that bad either but I am not the rocker-type-gal...so...

thats the score.....

I have a few things I have to get off my chest:

1) I am oh so fed up of hearing about Madonna's new accessory - fed up to a point where I cannot see or hear about her moaning about David Banda. oh Boo-hoo. Enough already. I admit that she is the ultimate Material Girl (no one and I mean no one has the balls to crucify her/himself at a concert and yet still couldn't give a toss) but this baby thing is driving me insaneeee...every paper, every link...Madonna..baby...Malawi...David...Banda....He's here, he's real and he's here to stay...Next...

2) Ah yes...I have a question for all the blokes who take the 'ONE' services from herts to liverpool str and vice versa: are your balls so damn big that you cannot keep your legs remotely closer to each other and let us gals have a seat and not HALF a seat?

3) well done britney! sucker...

4) I am well fed up of one of my bosses calling me "cherie", "sugar plum", "honey", and thanking me in french (merci). I am not your cherie, sugar plum, honey....and thank god will never be...thank you very much or shall I thank you in French as well? (merci beaucoup?)..Leave me alone...the less I see you and speak to you from Mon to Fri, the better off my digestive system is...

4) to my colleague who sits next to me - you are one hell of a moody bitch - these moods are screwing me up big time...hence this bitchy blog tonight..

5) ah yes..how can I forget to mention this....5.55pm train from Liverpool St (stansted express)today..friday 10th nov....gorgeous guy....your smile made my day....ahhhhh *blush*. brit boys are just lovely...

6) oh and to the guy at B.S. train station every morning catching the 8.18am train..how can you eat McDonalds brekkie every single morning and not get fat? that is beyond me....

7) oh and another thing....people who make private calls on the train...wtf? why do you have to announce that you are transferring money on the 17th and will need 10 days to clear in order to transfer them to buy your house? NO ONE CARES!