K....

i am feeling very weird lately - weird in the sense that i feel like i don't know where i belong anymore...

i moved to the uk to improve my career supposingly...after a year, now i realise that a) i wanted to run away; b) i hoped that things with K will improve.

K is here in the UK. We sort of got together for lunch in February - no one had the decency to call back (well, I took him out to lunch coz it was his bday - he had to pay coz a) i had no cash on me, b) my cards got rejected - embarrassing, yes) so i had promised him that i will call again and take him out...

never did - didn't have the balls. even though i love the guy like mad...i froze. i am afraid of rejection...especially from him..

sometimes i wish i can wake up and forget the last 2 years of my life..well, the last 2 years of my life being the good and bad times with K and the hard time of moving away from my 'home country'.

K and I met online. Yes, the freakish kind of way. I met up with him because coincidentally we got to know that our mothers knew each other. Believe me, it was NOT love at first time. However, by the third date, I swore to myself, that if K was not the one, no one will ever be the one.

K was everything I wanted in a guy: intelligent, educated, clean and had a good simple dress style. He was level-headed and knew how to put me into place. He was short. I was short. We were like two shrimp. Can you imagine how short our kids would have been? ha ha. He never did show his feelings. He wasn't cold but he wasnt over-romantic either.

Sometimes I wish I had the balls to just pick up the fone and say: Listen, K, I adore you...I miss you...You're the one for me...Am I the one for you so we can just get it on and end this drama...

Years ago, I once heard my father talking to someone and saying that when someone has his/her heart broken, one can go mental, bonkers. I laughed at the time and called anyone a sucker who went bonkers for a person...but now i understand those people who fell in love, got hurt and now lost it...

some hearts are broken into millions of pieces which is impossible to be whole again..in order for that heart to be whole again, the person who actually broke it can fully mend it again...thats my point...

i might want to start dating a totally new man. yes i think i do...but decency is hard to find nowadays..

guys like K, don't come long very often along my path it seems..

another final thing....How the hell did Matt from Busted win the Jungle? Have I missed something?????